One step over the sanity line
by Reanult
Summary: This is a story I originally titled Stepford Elicoorians. I wrote this after watching The Stepford Wives and could not resist. The last chapter posted 1-16-05
1. Let the insanity begin

One step over the sanity line 

Rating: Probably PG-13 for language I rarely do sex scenes

Genre: Humor/Angst/General Shonen-Ai (actually it's man love but I don't remember the term for that one)

Summary: This is a story I originally titled Stepford Elicoorians. I wrote this after watching The Stepford Wives and could not resist

Notes: Primary couple in this one is Cliff/Albel and if you are one of the many anal retentive video game fans that can not stand AU or any change in the story or characters that you do not personally approve. Bite me. Oh and don't read the story. But seriously bite me.

Oh and last thing, I accept all comments I don't believe that writers should shelter themselves from negativity espically if they plan on doing it for a living. All I ask is if you don't like the story. Don't just say crap like 'You suck, that was horrible, I hate you—etc. etc.' Give me reasons and what should be improved otherwise you're wasting my time.

Okay I'll shut up now.

"Albel? Albel? Bel? Yo Bel! Elicoor to Albel! See what I mean no response!"

Fayt sighed and waved a hand in front of Albel's blank face. " What happened? Where'd you find him?"

It'd been five years since the death of Luther and three since the group went their separate ways. He managed to keep contact with Maria , Mirage and Sophia via e-mail and 'reunion vacations'.

Every now and then he'd see a poster with Peppita on it or drop through Elicoor II to visit with Nel and Rodger.

But Cliff and Albel had just dropped off the face of the universe—literally. Not a peep hide nor hair of either of them had been heard or seen of them for three years.

Cliff just shook his head, " I don't know. We were just cruisin' through the MK2 galaxy and—"

"Wait you jumped galaxies?! How?"

"We went to Gemity hooked up with Flad—listened to some science babble about being permanently in molecular limbo because of exposure to Maria's radioactive waves of alteration or whatever—anyway we get around. But we ended up on some tiny planet in a secluded section of MK2. It looks a lot like Elicoor II—and well a lot of people look the same. It was almost like a mirror planet only--."

"A mirror planet? Like-"

"Just like Elicoor II okay? The trouble started when we met Albel's double—well not really his double just like you know Sophia and Ameena. He looked different, he was nice and had this smile—the people were happy to see him. His name was Woltar Vox, Anyway one thing lead to another and Albel tried to kill him. Problem was that Woltar was as damned handy with a sword as Bel here?"

Did you just call him Bel?" Fayt asked, lifting Albel's head from where it slumped onto his chest.

Cliff looked nervous for all of ten seconds then lied, "No. Anyway do you want the story or not?"

"I'm sorry please continue."

" So while they were fighting. I moved to intervene but his wife cut me off—and while I was trying to not-"

"Wait his wife?!"

"Yeah his wife Sarah looks just like Mirage, I almost had heart failures, thought both of them had given out on me at the same time. Anyway, she cut me off and by the time I'd recovered from the shock. Woltar and Albel had disappeared into the woods. I went in after them, but I was too late. Woltar was on the ground bleeding, and Albel was just sitting there staring at him."

" What'd you do?"

Cliff shook his head, and unconsciously shifted Albel closer to him. Fayt pretended he didn't notice.

"I freaked at first. I thought it was Albel laying there—then he looked up at me raised his real hand covered in blood and said my name. I grabbed him, and Woltar then hauled it outta there. I dropped Woltar in his wife's arms. She screamed and screamed—I don't know if he's dead. I just got us outta there. I thought he was just in shock you know and he'd come around with a 'fool or a maggot' something. He hasn't said a word since, he won't speak, he eats when I put food in his mouth, goes to the bathroom when I bring him there. Sleeps when I put him in bed. He's like a living doll."

Fayt nodded, and picked up a pen light to shine in Albel's eyes. His pupils dilated and expanded as was expected but he didn't so much as blink when he made a jabbing movement with it. "How long ago was this?"

Cliff shrugged, " I guess about two or three months. I've been to several galaxies already. Seen more specialist than I want to think about. Had Flad reboot him!"

"And he hasn't reacted at all?"

"To nothing—well I took him back to Elicoor II. The training facility and to see Woltar I thought it might help him. He started screaming and fighting like a cornered animal when Woltar came to talk to him. I had to hold him down to keep him from hurting himself. "

Fayt sighed, " I don't know what's wrong with him. It might be deep shock at best give him time and keep him stimulated he should come around again…"

"And at worst?"

"At worst he finally finished cracking. Complete and total mental meltdown—killing in essence himself—the self that he really wanted deep down might have just finished his decent into madness. Or completed his goal destruction of himself--."

Cliff shook his head, " So what you're saying—"

"I'm sorry—maybe you should think about committing him somewhere-"

Cliff smirked, " Just stick him in a cage somewhere like a broken animal to spend the rest of his days in medicated misery? No thanks. Thanks for your time Fayt—we'll see ya around."

Cliff rose stiffly from the chair and reached down to pull Albel to his feet.

"Wait…maybe there is something else." Fayt stood as well and left to the backroom of his office. A moment later he came back with a bottle of pills. "Try giving him one of these every day."

"What is it?"

"Well simply put it's a regulator, it'll balance out the chemicals in his brain—I thought he needed it from the moment we met him—but it has an alertness agent that will force him back into reality if he wants to be there or not."

"Like Prozac XXVII?"

"No. One of those makes Prozac look like a water pill. Give him one a day for a week, no matter how he protests or how emotional he gets. Just remember it's for his own good."

"And this will make him better?" Cliff asked warily.

"It will make him deal with the real world—that or he'll drive himself so deep into his own mind that he becomes a vegetable."

"Thanks."

Fayt nodded at his friend and lead them to the door.

"Hey uh-tell everybody we said hi huh?" Cliff smirked.

"Yeah I will—and uh Cliff. I'm happy for you guys, I hope he gets better."

Cliff looked surprised for a moment but smiled and lead a very docile Albel away.

"Come on Bel open up…" Cliff barely pulled his arm back in time to avoid Albel's clawed swipe.

"Leave. Me. Alone." The tone was ominous—dark and full of hatred. He was coming back!

"No can do. Now you can do it yourself or I can help it down? What'll it be?" Cliff extended the glass of water—and wasn't to surprised when it was knocked out of his hand and into the wall across the room. Nor was he surprised to have a half crazed claw wielding psycho pounce him.

A belly to belly suplex and klausian arm lock later had Cliff holding a dazed Albel's nose and forcing a pill down his throat with the other hand.

Fayt hadn't been kidding about that emotional thing…only emotional for Albel was more along the lines of unfocused and violent. He'd had to do go through this or a close equation of it every day for the past three weeks. "Want some water?"

"I want you to DIE!"

"I never thought I'd be happy to hear that again…"

His reply gave Albel pause, "Why are you doing this to me?"

Cliff laughed because for once he had no smartass comment to give. "Come on lets get some food in you huh? Sheesh you're barely shorter than I am but I've got a good 40lbs on you."

"That's because you're fat."

"Muscular, and it's because I eat and exercise. You on the other hand eat like a freakin' bird—and not even a normal bird. A bird with anorexia."

"Anawhat?"

"Nothing. Come on up with you."

Albel glared but took the extended hand, and the kiss on the neck that came with it.

5 months later

"Hey Fayt what's up?"

"How is our patient?"

Cliff shrugged and glanced over at Albel, he was sitting under a tree in the garden, his eyes closed—he sat so still that several animals had risked coming close to him. A squirrel had settled in his lap—his hair was for once out of their pigtails drying in the warm summer light that filtered through the trees. He was beautiful…Cliff wished he had a camera.

The squirrel nuzzled his finger letting him know of its presence…and Cliff was very thankful that he did not have a camera.

"WORM! What the hell—cute fuzzy big eyed animals?!! DIE ALL OF YOU DIE!!! AHHAHAHAHA!"

"Uh Fayt I'll get back to you okay?"

"What's going on?!"

"Nothing. Nothing….Bel—er babe put the squirrel down! Put it down now! I—oh damn I meant ALIVE and in one piece!"

"Oh my god!"

"You're still here?"

"Maybe we need to up his medication?"

"Actually I was thinking we need to down it—he doesn't space out anymore—maybe some mood alters?"

"He's killing woodland creatures!"

"Yeah—that's normal!"

"No it's not!"

"It's normal for Albel!"

"You said before that you just wanted him to be happy? Do you really think this is happy?"

Cliff looked out to where Albel was chasing down the last little bluejay that had rested on his head and slept.—He crushed it in his claw laughing happily as he did it.

"Well yeah…"

"But is it healthy? That's what you want for him right? To be happy and healthy right?"

"Yeah—but—"

"So what's a few adjustments to ensure that he moves closer to normal?"

"Fair enough."

"Great. I'm sending some new pills. You can chuck the old ones now, give him these three times a day for a week then once a day for a month after."

"Okay so how much do I owe you?"

"Nothing, anything to held an old friend…old friends."

Cliff glanced at the visiphone teleporter and several large bottles of pills that now sat on it.

"Good luck."

Cliff looked up to where Albel paced glaring around him for more animals to maim. "I'll need it."

The big move.

Albel sat quietly glaring out the windows of the 'car' at the rolling forest of scenery that they passed. He had a headache and he was tired! Cliff had decided they needed a change of pace—and he had decided earth was just that change that they needed. Not one of the major modern cities on earth, oh no. He thought that would be to drastic for such a delicate mental state as his own.

Some small-secluded town in what once was the S.U.A or whatever. He'd seen pictures of the place on the internet and decided it was perfect for them.

Albel didn't argue—Cliff had been on the verge of leaving him at that point and he saw no reason to make it worse.

Cliff was excited—he hadn't stopped babbling about how much he'd love it there—and how helpful it would be for him to be around good honest people.

Albel had snorted and put on a pair of the dark glasses Cliff had gotten for him. They made the world less bright and eased the pressure he felt behind his eyes.

Finally after what seemed an eternity Cliff pulled up before a huge white wroth iron gate a word was scralled across it in bright golden letters. A man in a white uniform opened the gates and urged them in.

"You must be the Fittrs? Welcome to Stepford."

Albel didn't bother to acknowledge the man that spoke.

Cliff thanked him and continued on—everywhere he looked was nothing but giant mansions and perfect lawns. Well dressed women in uncomfortable shoes and huge hats. Beautiful women—and not so handsome men…his warrior sense told him something was wrong.

Well what did you think?

Hm?

Oh yeah and don't forget anal retentive video game fans (men and women alike)bite me.


	2. A little pill for everything

One step over the sanity line 

Rating: Probably PG-13 for language I rarely do sex scenes

Genre: Humor/Angst/General Shonen-Ai (actually it's man love but I don't remember the term for that one)

Summary: This is a story I originally titled Stepford Elicoorians. I wrote this after watching The Stepford Wives and could not resist

Notes: Okay this started out straight Star Ocean---then it went somewhere else all by itself…seriously! I have characters that I haven't thought about in literally years making appearances. --;

"Welcome Fittrs!"

Albel barely acknowledged the woman leaning into the car window.

"Electro shock?"

"Pills."

"Ahhh. Wakey wakey little achy achy!"

Albel cringed, her voice was so sweet he wanted to rip her vocal cords out with his real hand.

"Er, he's had a long trip…so you must be Mrs. Miller?"

"That's right. Please come on in—I'm sure you're just dying to see the house—it just went on the market last week. It's the last one available on the lake you know? And of course you have easy access to the golf course and the community center—oh it has it's own pool and even an adorable little koi pond—oh dear why don't we let you out of the car there first. My—my you're big strong fellow aren't you? What a wonderful catch you have here er—I'm sorry I forgot your name."

"Good." Albel growled and stalked towards the front door leaving the chattering woman and Cliff behind.

"Oh my we're Mister Grouchypusspanties today aren't we?"

" Er my Albel's had a rough year…"

She tsked and tapped Cliff on the chest. "Ahh stressful—we have to take good care of our delicate half Mister Fittr."

Albel turned from where he was trying to figure out how to open the door. What the hell was wrong with having a fucking door knob it was a nice invention! It worked! "Did you just call me delicate?"

"Pardon? Oh my—" Mrs. Miller approached Albel with her arms extended—like she was going to touch him…TOUCH him. Lucky for her Cliff caught up with her first and pulled her back to safety. "Is something wrong Mr. Fittr?"

"Can someone open the damn door?"

"Ohhh right! So very sorry where is my brain?"

"In a small jar full of pickle juice. Wait that's where it's going to be if you don't open the damn door in two seconds!"

Cliff cringed and tried to hurriedly explain away Albel's comment.

Mrs. Miller wasn't affected, she just smiled brighter and waved airily. "Oh Mister Grouchypusspanties is a feisty one! I'm sure he'll fit right in Stepford." She moved around both men ignoring—or genuinely not noticing when Cliff grabbed Albel's shoulder and growled in his ear to try and not be so much of a bastard.

She also ignored Albel's less than polite request that Cliff stick his request up his nose and pull it out of his ass.

"Here we are! As you can see it's got a lovely view of Lake Stepford right from the living room—and a HUGE kitchen for all the cooking you will undoubtedly be doing right Mister Albel? I mean with such a strapping man in your life, he must keep you so very busy just keeping him fed?"

Albel snorted. "Yes he's built up quite an immunity to arsenic I must move on to stronger things. This kitchen will be perfect for my experiments."

It was strange how her face froze for a moment then she laughed, " Oh what a sense of humor you have Albel--oh may I call you Bel? That's a much nicer name and we here in Stepford don't do formal—we're all one big happy family!"

"No."

"Wonderful now Bel I'll be by tomorrow morning to show you around! I guess your movers will be here in an hour to set everything up for you. Oh I'm so excited! Now lets take a quick lookzee around shall we? Despite appearances you have every convenience of modern life in the cities. Everything is electronic and hooked up to the houses very own mainframe. It monitors everything in the home from the temperature that's just perfect for you individually—to how much milk you have left in the fridge. And if anyone is on any prescription medications it will remind you of that as well."

"Nice—isn' t that nice Albel?"

Albel glared at both of them and stalked off to the next room.

"Oh good choice Bel, this is the game room as you can see it also has a view of the—Bel where are you going?"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"

Mrs. Miller blinked and turned vacant eyes to Cliff, " Do you think I said something to offend him?"

"Er—he's had a long year."

"Do you think introducing him to the knitting circle will be to much excitement for him?"

"Uh."

Albel had been through war faced the apolocypes and come out alive and victorious—but never had he ever been faced with a challenge like this. Never did he think NOT killing could be stressful. His hands were shaking as he opened the bottle of pills that Fayt had sent him the night before.

Something about suppressing his KI2 gene—he was supposed to take one every time he felt homocidial. He'd promptly sent three large jars of the things as emergency backup.

Cliff found it amusing. Albel…not so much, but he found himself very grateful.

"And on Sundays we all get together after church for a community picnic! I was thinking about bringing a nice cheeseburger pie. What do you think? Oh it will be wonderful—it'll be a good chance for you to get to know everyone."

Albel wondered if he grabbed the wheel and steered them towards one of those light poles that lined the street if the car would blow up. If so would they die instantly like in those movies Cliff loved so much…maybe her head would pop off or better yet explode in a shower of blood and gray matter. The thought made him smile…he took a pill.

"Oh good I'm glad you're excited about it, I'll be by to get you tomorrow for the Hoe Down!"

"The what?"

"We're here! Come on in everyone has been dying to meet you!"

Albel looked up at the sparking windows of Stepford Day Spa and community center—a fountain of some fat winged babies gurgled happily in front of it.

"Today is aerobics day. All the la-er homebodies gather to work out."

Albel arched a brow at the high-heeled shoes and paisley lace dress the woman wore. Her hair was done to perfection just as her makeup was. "You exercise in dresses?"

She paused and blinked at him, "Of course—we'd never want our men to see us in frumpy black clothing and horrible highlights. I'd just die." That said she walked swiftly into the center.

Albel blinked, had he just been insulted? For one thing the blond was NOT highlights. It was his real hair color—sandy blond just was not intimidating. He'd die before he told anyone that, and the black pants and turtleneck had been Cliff's idea! He took another pill, and went in after her.

"Good morning darlings!" she called cheerfully.

A mass of smiling floral and pinks turns to her as a unit, "Good morning Doreen."

"Everyone I'd like you to meet our newest person to Stepford. His name is Albel but you can all call him Bel!"

All those vacant eyes turned on him then—the women sported lovely (huge) summer hats, and the men wore refined pastel and white linen shirts and pants. "Good morning Bel."

Albel took another pill.

"You have to forgive our Albel here—he's been through a lot lately. I'm under strict orders not to over stimulate him."

A collective coo of sympathy and Albel was ready to scream—he took another pill instead.

"Okay darlings lets get started! Everyone grab your poles. Bel would you care to join us?"

He just growled in reply.

Cliff sat back in the plush leather couch and watched the men make absolute asses of themselves with toy robots.

"Get the bra get the bra!"

What the hell was this? High School?

"Not enjoying yourself sport?"

Cliff looked up at the older extending a cigar to him—he took it. "Yeah I'm having a great time. Just thinking about Albel—wondering if he's making any friends—and if he's killed anyone."

He laughed, " I'm sure he's making lots of friends."

Obviously the man had not met Albel yet. "Yeah—sure…"

"Ohhhhh good job Mitch!"

Cliff looked to where Mitch held the yellow bra up high proudly. He snorted.

"So tell me Cliff? What brought you to Stepford?"

Cliff shrugged. " Albel. It's just one thing after another. He had a mental break—a deep depression we just got his chemical imbalance flushed and straightened out. Only to discover that imbalance was a genetic protection for the rest of the world."

"Wha?" Several of the other men had wandered over to where Cliff and the older man sat. Someone gave him a beer—he hated human beer.

"Sounds like you've had to pour a lot of money into this horse huh? Why haven't you traded for a new one?"

Cliff looked at the man that spoke. Short and stumpy with a comb over—bleary blue eyes peered at him from a greasy face. "Because I love him. Isn't that why you all moved here to save your relationships?"

The men laughed, "Yeah that's it. And just look what Stepford has done for us." Mitch spoke and gestured towards the window.

"So uh what were you talking about before with the chemical imbalance?"

Cliff popped open his beer and took a sip before he remembered he HATED HUMAN BEER. " Blair this is crap—oh well while running some tests we discovered that Albel has the KI2 gene."

"The what?"

Killer Instinct second anomaly gene? That is extremely rare."

Cliff looked at the pale man that spoke.

"Okay for those of us that aren't dorks what the hell is that?"

"Everyone has heard of the Killer Instinct—sometimes called berserkers when they are enraged or faced with a hostile situation they become violent and narrow in on the task immediately before them which is usually killing whatever has upset them. After accomplishing the goal they tend to not remember what happened. People with the KI2 anomaly do remember—but after the kill they experience a Euphoria that is almost orgasmic—and in some cases addictive. I heard a few centuries back that the government was trying to breed an angry of KI2 soldiers. It failed miserably because of all of the other disorders that come with the KI2."

Cliff stared hard at the pale man that spoke, "You know a lot about it—what do you do for a living?"

The man smiled, " I'm a scientist –I specialize in genetics."

"Cliff Fittr—recently retired diplomat."

" Seph Rogers." The man replied and wandered away from the group.

Cliff shrugged it off.

Home again

Cliff watched Albel pace like a caged animal in their living room—he'd been mumbling to himself about crazy people for over an hour. Cliff didn't dare mention the fact that he looked like a crazy person himself.

"Bel."

"There is something wrong with the people in this town Cliff I'm telling you! These people are deranged! Haven't you gotten one of your hunches yet? Can't you feel it?"

Cliff sighed and stood up, " Bel there is nothing weird going on here! These are genuinely friendly country folk that's all!"

Albel growled something that sounded like fool and stalked out of the room.

Cliff followed him. " You know it wouldn't kill you to try and get along with these people!"

"No but it might kill them."

Cliff smirked, " Is that what this is all about? The stupid KI2 gene thing?"

"No. I'd want to kill these people if I was still my normal self—or the sick version of me. DAMNIT Cliff I want to leave—lets just pack up and go."

"Go where?"

"Anywhere. I don't care just not here with these unnaturally friendly people."

Cliff nodded, " Fayt said this would happen."

"Oh. And what did Doctor Quack say now? I'd become paranoid and-"

"He said that you'd be uncomfortable without the constant chaos in your mind—so you'd look to make a different kind of chaos."

"What? That doesn't make any sense! The fact that I hate it here and I hate these people has nothing to do with my brain juices! The fact stands that something is wrong in this hell hole and I want out!"

Cliff shook his head, "For once can you think about someone that isn't you? You think this slower pace of life crap was something I really wanted? Huh? No it's not but it's what YOU need right now. We're here because I care about you even if you don't give a damn about yourself! Has it occurred to you yet that within the last year you've had a COMPLETE AND TOTAL MENTAL BREAKDOWN? You should be in a hospital somewhere drooling on yourself in a corner from that alone—but you're not. You've help pave the way for more productive treatments of chemical imbalances—"

"He drained the fluids from my brain and put them back at the levels of a 'typical' elicoorian. Woo."

"Nel to be exact."

"NEL! I think like that red head harpy now?"

Cliff wrapped an arm around his waist and smirked, " That's beside the point-"

"And I don't think Nel is typical she's a little off her rocker too you know! I can't believe you bastards—"

"She volunteered!"

"Volunteer—and no one asked me if I had a problem with this? I should kill-"

"Let's get you another pill huh babe?"

"DIE WORM!"

"Yeah…can I get one last good lay before you subject me to a slow and torturous death?"

Albel seemed to think about it for a second. "Okay. Bring the vanilla icing I like."

The hoe down…yeeAHHHHHHHHHHHH help!

"What is that noise?!"

Cliff cocked his head to the side, " I think it's a called a fiddle."

"It should be destroyed." Albel's smile suggested that he'd be more than happy to do so.

Cliff opened his pill bottle for him. Albel took one then looked around at the milling people and children.

"Five minutes."

"Huh?"

Albel glared at him, " You heard me. We do five minutes get ourselves seen and then get the hell out of here."

"Come on! Stop being such a pain in the ass, I swear you're turning into Fayt slowly but surely."

"Well whose fault is that hm?"

Cliff didn't get a chance to reply because a battilion of fluffy skirted women and two paisley wearing men with giant vacant smiles were approaching them from two different directions.

"Cliff don't make eye contact! Just put your head down and keep walking!" Albel hissed close to his ear.

Naturally Cliff looked up to see what all the whispering was about.

"I told you not to make contact damn it! Walk faster!"

"No. This is the perfect opportunity for you to make some friends!"

"I don't want to make any-"

"Good morning Bel! My your skin is lovely today…have you been getting more sun?"

"I love your sweater Bel it's so not black."

"What pretty shoes you're wearing today Bel…are those the new Rossetti line? I love the Rossetti line."

Albel was certain he felt Cliff flinch he didn't have a chance to gloat when as one they turned their attention to Cliff.

"Good morning Cliff you look absolutely edible."

"I love your pants they really show your assets very well."

"Bel is so lucky."

A unigiggle finished off the round and Cliff elegantly replied, " Er…I have to go. Bel have fun with your new friends."

And before Albel could mumble a 'don't leave me with these freaks' he was gone.

Albel took a deep breath and turned back to the small group behind him. They all had disappointed looks on their faces.

" It's so good of you to make it Candy wasn't certain you'd come." A blond woman with bright blue eyes spoke her hand on his shoulder. Something about her grip felt—very not pampered housewife. " Oh I'm so sorry I forgot to introduce myself. I'm Quistis—that's my husband that your Cliff is talking to."

Albel looked over his shoulder to where Cliff stood with another man around his own age—a smirk on his face that made Albel want to rip it off. By the scar that ran across his nose someone had already tried.

"Isn't he wonderful!"

Albel cast another look at man with Cliff—he was laughing and Cliff was flexing his right hand like he always did before giving into the urge to plant someone's nose in the back of their skull. Good let him get a taste of these people. "Inner chaos my ass."

"Pardon?" Quistis asked.

"Er. Yeah he's great."

That was a mistake because the rest of the giggle squad decided he was friendly enough to approach.

"I'm Cloud!"

"I'm Mara!"

" I'm Mindy."

"I'm Lina" a shortish pretty redhead spoke up.

"I'm-"

"I'm nautious and certain that he is to!"

Albel looked at the smirking young man that bounded up to him and eyed him critically. "Are you human?"

"I'm from elicoor II."

"Good enough." The young man grabbed his arm and dragged and unresisting Albel away from the homemaker droids. " Names Duo! Man it's good to see another normal person around here!"

Albel found himself nodding and doing something he never thought he'd do. " Thanks for the rescue. My significant other threw me to the wolves to make his escape. He shall pay dearly when we return to our residence."

Duo just looked at him blankly. " I know what ya mean Heero dragged me here by my ponytail then ditched me for the shooting range. Oh so what's your name by the way?"

"Albe—"

"Excuse me are you normal?"

Both men turned to the softly spoken woman. Her dark blond hair was pulled up into two ponytails and she wore a long wide black dress. She blushed at their silence. " I apologize that was terribly rude of me."

"Nah welcome to the sane club. I'm the current present and founder Duo Maxwell this here is the VP er—what's your name?"

"Albel."

"Albel and you're now the secetary Misses…."

"Robin, and it is a pleasure to meet you both."

"As well as you!"

"May I join as well?"

"Me too man!"

Duo blinked at the two other women that approached them. One was a quiet brunette with mismatched eyes and the other was a short slightly grumpy looking black haired girl."

" That depends is baking cookies the end all say all of a good time for you?"

"No."

"Unless it's the kind that will save the world…no."

"Welcome to the club ladies."

"Yuna."

"Akane. So what's the first order of business? Smashing the infidels? Or smashing the idiots?"

Albel arched a brow. Hmm. Maybe he was going to like it here.

"What is this again?"

"The Stepford's women book club meeting. They meet once a week apparently at Candy's place."

"Lovely."

"Got your pills Bel?"

"KI2 killers at the ready. What about you Robin?"

"Oh nothing so drastic just a valium before I left home."

"Ahh wussy."

"Pill head."

" Oh welcome Stepford newbies!" Candy (Mrs. Miller) bounced excitedly inside her front door. Per usual her outfit was impeccable in lemons and creams.

"Please we're out on the patio in back. The others and I were waiting for you all!"

The sane club exchanged a glance then started in behind Candy, it wasn't long before they were stepping out into a backyard straight from a painting. White lattice gazebo and all.

Akane smiled and leaned on Albel's shoulder. "Is it to late to run?"

" That depends have you unpacked?"

"Yeah?"

"It's way to late."

She laughed.

"Oh so good to hear you laugh Akane I didn't think you knew how!" Candy offered with a generous smile.

"Down girl."

Okay thoughts anyone? Yes I am crazy next question please.


	3. Okay lets get serious for a momentseriou...

Rating: Probably R for language I rarely do sex scenes

Genre: Humor/Angst/General Shonen-Ai (actually it's man love but I don't remember the term for that one)

Summary: This is a story I originally titled Stepford Elicoorians. I wrote this after watching The Stepford Wives and could not resist

Notes: Primary couple in this one is Cliff/Albel and if you are one of the many anal retentive video game fans that can not stand AU or any change in the story or characters that you do not personally approve. Bite me. Oh and don't read the story. But seriously bite me.

Special thanks: To Puppet Lord your comments are greatly appreciated I meant to put that in the second one but I forgot. Sorry!

He was shaking—his hand was shaking—the sun had slanted on the horizon and he'd long ago drank as much perfectly blended lemonade that he could. Akane had hit him up twice for the KI2 killers and Yuna's kind smile had faded to a glazed eyed stare after 'politely' almost breaking two of fingers to get at his pills. Duo had simply fished his extra bottle out of his pocket and was currently munching on them like they were popcorn. Albel wasn't far behind him. Yet the torture continued.

"Did you know that if you take maple leaves and dry them behind glass with some glitter you can make your own autumn decorations?"

" I decided to pick some leaves from my back yard and draw leaf designs on plastic and made handmade curtains with a leaf pattern. They are very flashy and stylish—Better homes and homemakers says they're hip…"

"Ohhhh hiiiip."

Duo turned pleading eyes on Albel—then Albel's claw. "Please take my life…"

"I suffer. You suffer. You're stronger than these worms Duo." Albel hissed back.

Duo looked close to tears. Yet it continued well into it's fourth hour.

"Nothing says love like handmade curtains."

"Yes."

"Oh yes!"

"Don't you think so Bel? I bet you're into more risky things like hand knitted pot holders—oh you're so rebellious!"

Before he could open the bottle himself, Robin ripped it from his hands and downed them like a fat kid and a bag of skittles. If that kid was at nazi fat camp and hadn't been allowed anything that wasn't rabbit food for weeks.

Duo patted her back as her breathing returned to normal.

The Stepfords didn't seem to notice. " Well I've been a little rebellious this year. Instead of leaves I decided on pine cones!" Cloud spoke up.

The Stepfords gasped as one, " Oh you as well. Did you know you can make Christmas tree ornaments with pine cones and glitter?"

"I made a baby Jesus out of pine cones and glitter!"

"I'm going to make Mary and Jesus shaped fruit cakes this year! You know you can buy ediable glitter to decorate cakes?"

"What are you going to make Bel?"

Albel twitched, " What am I going to make? Did you know that human skin if dried and salted makes a nice and reuseable wrapping paper—and the bone just behind…"

Let's just leave it at Albel gave everyone a new idea for Christmas tree ornaments and thus ended the Stepford homebodies book club meeting for the week.

"I don't even think he's home!"

"Cloud?"

Albel followed Duo's cautious slink up to Cloud's back door—he was surprised to find that Akane and Robin both seemed to be very good at it as well. Yuna did her best…

Despite the snorting and out right laughing they made it into the picture perfect kitchen of Cloud Strike.

"Clou-"

"Shhhh!" Duo placed a finger to Yuna's lips and cocked his head. "Do you hear that?"

"Hear what—that thumping noise what is that?"

As a group they moved closer to the stairway and the sounds became much—much clearer. To clear for Yuna's bright red blush…

"Ohohohohohohohohohohoh you're so big! To big! YES YES IT'S SO GOOD! THANK YOU THANK YOU YOU GREEK GOD! Ohyes oh yes OH YES! YOU'RE SOOOOO BIG! THANK YOU THANK YOU! OH OH OH OH! MORE PLEASE DON'T STOP NEVER STOP!!!! I NEED IT I NEED IT! Ram it! RAM IT!"

Albel found himself slack jawed as the image of the prim and pressed Cloud at the hoe down took shape in his mind saying things that he wanted done---that Albel at his dirtiest with seven bottles of fermeted cider down his throat three tavern wenches two black brigade soliders a bowl of cooking oil two recently graduated symbologists a dungeon full of torture devices three whips a saddle with the horn sitting in the middle of the seat and a naked bound gagged hanging upside down dragon brigade lieutenant had never EVER would have even considered or thought was possible to be done to another person without death or prison time being involved…

Albel decided it was best he not share that memory with Cliff…he discovered that Klausian's were the jealous type when they bothered to settle down. Sure it'd been a complete turn on when Cliff made that roaring noise grew fangs and nearly ripped a guy's throat out when he'd hit on him in a bar—all that blood then the raw unabashed public sex on a sticky tavern table--Albel came back just in time to catch Duo by his braid as he tried to bound up the stairs. "Where the hell are you going?"

"Why should Cloud get all of that? I want some too!"

Albel lead the way out on the loudest longest scream of pleasure any of them—(except Albel that's another story) had ever heard.

They were all still laughing when they stumbled into Duo's living room—the laughter abruptly stopped as they took in the chaos of food wrappers and other things they didn't want to examine too closely.

"What the hell happened in here?"

Duo blinked and cleared some clutter off the couch. "What do you mean?"

" Did someone drop a bomb in here or are you just an absolute slob?" Akane asked.

Duo shrugged, " I'm a slob. It drives Heero nuts, along with the way I talk—the way I walk. Who I hang out with the way I laugh, dress—breathe." The eternal snarky cheer faded a little. "It doesn't matter what I do—I just can't make him happy."

Robin perched on the couch next to him. " I know the feeling that's why Randall and I are here. I just don't know how to be a wife—he's trying to be patient with me."

Yuna nodded slowly, " Seymour and I are having trouble as well. We thought a change of pace would be helpful."

Akane sighed, "Ranma and I hate each other. My Dad came into some money and bought us a house here—told us we needed to work out our differences. I'd rather see him burn."

All eyes turned to Albel who stood filing the tips of his claw casually. "What? Oh Cliff and I are trying the settling down thing. He thinks I'm made of glass now and I'll break or wilt or something at any sign of stress. The fool!"

"So we're all screwed up." Duo sighed.

"Yeah I guess we are. The sane club isn't all that sane huh?"

Albel snorted, "Fools!"

"Huh?"

"All of you sitting here feeling sorry for yourselves likes maggots on a dried pile of shit!"

"Thanks for the mental Bel."

" I don't like nor do I spend time with weaklings or worms. Worms are to be crushed under the feet of the strong."

"Thanks for the pep talk." Akane.

Robin frowned, " I think I understand what Albel is saying. We're all here—we can roll over and try to fit in—or we can make Stepford fit us. We don't have to be just like all the other cattle here, but we can learn to enjoy baking cupcakes and doing crafts a little."

Duo nodded, "Hm, I got lets go on a murderous rampage and kill them all."

"You got right Duo. Though that's not a bad idea Robin—maybe just a little we can try to humor our other halves by being more like—like.."

"The zombie homemakers of Stepford?"

"Exactly."

The sane club exchanged a look then shrugged. " You got any burbon Duo?"

"Bel you home?"

Albel had barely closed the door behind him when Cliff's leary voice sounded from the living room. He followed it to find the large blond man standing nervously on the bar—staring in horror at a tiny tan tuff of growling fur hanging out of a box on the floor.

"Stay back Bel it's not safe!"

Albel arched a brow, "What's it gonna do bite my ank-"

Albel promptly shut up when the cute little ball of fur turned around it had short perky ears and big black eyes like one of cute little Pomerians he'd seen. It trotted over to him just as sweetly—he leaned and picked it up.

Cliff still refused to come down from the bar. Albel learned why a moment later when he went outside to check the mail with the dog in his arms—and so did the mailman.

The cute little mouth wasn't nearly so cute when it opened five feet nine inches wide to swallow the mailman whole—bag and all…in the process revealing seven rows of razor sharp teeth.

He was in love instantly.

"I'm gonna call you Miffy—because you look like Miffy right now. I'm high. I'm extremely high! And you're my little Miffy aren't you! Yes you are! Come on mommy's gonna go get you nice big turkey yes yes!"

"Nothing scarier than a gay man and his dog…" Akane sighed shaking her head sadly. Robin and Yuna nodded agreement.

Albel glared and lead the way back into the house.

Cliff had come down from the bar and was drinking deeply from a bottle of brandy.

"Didn't I tell you to get a cup barbarian?!"

Cliff grunted. "Mirage's housewarming gift. A Klausian puffpuff."

"Puffpuff? Is that what he is? The names as adorable as he is! Hello my little puffpuff!"

Cliff shivered.

"Yeah…I saw the little puffpuff's disappearing trick with the mailman…" Akane offered from a safe distance.

"It somehow still remains cute though." Robin offered.

Cliff snorted and made a wide circle around Albel and puffpuff towards the door. "Yeah whatever babe. I'm going out to the club house—big meeting tonight don't wait up okay?"

Before he could complain Cliff was gone.

"What the heck was that about?" Akane asked.

Robin and Yuna shrugged. "Our significant others are gone out as well."

"So where is our president?"

Yuna shrugged.

"So what do we do?"

Akane shrugged. Albel smiled.

"Anyone feel like spying?"

Albel walked boldly up to the front doors of the men's club. He was a man after all…he'd play distration for Akane and Robin to head around from the kitchen window.

He'd just opened the front door when he heard shuffling and something like get his feet.

A moment later Duo's shaky body landed in his arms. He was breathing hard and trying to speak.

"Duo! Leave the man alone." A thin cold eyed man stepped into the foyer behind him—firmly taking Duo's shoulder in hand. He glared hard eye to eye with Albel…later he realized he was supposed to be intimidated.

Cliff however had already taken him in hand and to the door.

"What the hell is going on here? What's wrong with Duo?"

Cliff frowned after the stumbling Duo and Heero's rigid back. " I don't know he's been drinkin' pretty steady since he got here. Heero's gonna take care of it—what are you doing here?"

" I felt like being here, and that's crap. I watched Duo take down two bottles of bourbon yesterday without so much as a glazed eye to show for it."

"Why don't you mind your own business Bel? Stop trying to project your damned chaos!"

"I'm not projecting anything you idiot I'm looking at what's in front of me! Grab me again and I'll rip your face off with my teeth maggot!"

With that loud declaration he turned back towards the door where three short balding men stood glaring at him. He glared right back. " Out of the way I'm in no mood to crush insects…"

They quickly scattered out of his way.

"Like cockroaches in the light." He laughed on his way out of the door. He thought he heard Cliff mumble something about 'get himself into.'

THREE DAYS LATER

"Has anyone heard from Duo? I went by his house yesterday—and I called. No answer either time." Robin picked up a can of chocolate syrup and put it in her grocery cart.

Albel growled a greeting at some smiling zombie he didn't remember. " I haven't had any luck either."

Akane stopped dead in her tracks in front of them.

"Your ass is to big to go around Akane." Albel growled.

She didn't bother to comment. " D-Duo?"

Albel blinked at the radiant young man in front of him. Long brown hair streamed down his back and over his shoulders in perfect half formed ringlets, gold highlights sparkled in the store light setting his vacant violet eyes to dancing. He wore a beautiful dark violet sweater and matching slacks. A gold ring glittered on his wedding finger. He was straight out of a laundry detergent commercial.

"Good morning Akane. Bel, Robin…isn't it a beautiful day?"

Albel didn't remember how it happened, but somehow he woke up in the men's club surrounded by flames with Heero Yuy's worried face inches beneath his claw.

Robin and Akane stood not far behind him both with determined expressions.

It was a silent dinner in the Fittr household that evening. Cliff had bandaged the claw marks on his jaw—and Albel had cooked his favorite food as a silent never to be admitted apology.

"Pass the potatoes please—and maybe not throw them at me this time." Cliff broke the silence.

Albel passed the potatoes. "What'd you do to Duo?"

"Damn it! Will you drop it already? For the last time no one did anything to Duo!" Cliff growled. The puffpuff growled back.

Cliff lowered his voice. " Maybe Duo decided to give the Stepford way a try—unlike someone else in this room-"

"Oh please we're eating dinner. I haven't seen a pile that big since Vox's dragon had the runs—Duo looked sick when he ran into my—"

"I already told you he'd had a lot to drink-"

"Lies. I am not one of the fools you deal with in this place Cliff please at least respect that."

Cliff sighed and stood up, "You know what? Believe what you want I don't know why I bother."

"Where are you going?"

The slam of the front door was his answer.

A few hours later his phone rang twice—by the time he'd picked up there was no one there. He shrugged it off ignoring the thing in his gut that told him something was wrong.

Sadly Akane went missing for three days after, only to appear on the fourth day at the community center—yellow dress long fluffy black hair and a giggle that could rival Sophia at her best.

Two days after that —a bright white light and roar shook Stepford—he thought he saw wings on the horizon. Yuna went missing for three days after that—only to reappear a perfect Stepfordian.

Robin was worried and had begun to make plans to leave, Albel had agreed to go with her. With out without Cliff. A pillar of fire engulfed the lawn of the men's club the night he planned to tell Cliff he wanted to leave…then Robin went missing only to surface in pastels and loose flowing blond ringlets.

He was alone now, just him and Miffy hell if he'd go down without a fight.

Cliff came home that evening to Albel in his purple loin cloth and half top, his sword tied to his hip, and Miffy's Rossetti leather carrying case over his shoulder. He'd just turned off the vidphone.

"Bel."

"My name is Albel fool!"

"Fine Albel what are you doing?"

"I'm leaving this place, you are an idiot if you don't see what's happening here. If you are an idiot then I see no reason for me to stay with you."

"I don't know how about for the same reasons this idiot stayed with a broken lunatic? Is that good enough?" Cliff's eyes had become cold.

Albel smirked, " Fair enough. Well do you want to come with me?" his tone was callous and offhanded he knew it. He knew it would enrage Cliff.

Cliff smirked, " I don't believe you. After all—" he broke off and shook his head. Albel expected an explosion, he was surprised when Cliff opted for raw emotion. "I love you-"

"Love is for the weak."

"Then I'm weak."

"You're worse then weak. You're a predator wishing you were prey. An eagle that wants to be a maggot it's disgusting…I don't know why I stayed with you this long."

"Albel stop talking." The calm in Cliff's voice was unnatural…

"Why should I, you want so desperately to be weak! Why should I not treat you like a weakling?"

Cliff shook his head, the calm replaced by a sad cynicism. "Mitch was right." With that he walked out of the room and closed the door.

The last thing Albel remembered was Miffy's frantic barking a pale gas gushing into the room faster than he could hold his breath.

"Cliffums? You don't like your breakfast should I make something else?"

Cliff stared hard at the plate of perfectly cooked and spaced sunny side up eggs and triangled toast –perfectly cooked hash browns even perfect coffee.

He was terrifed of looking up—looking up and seeing those adoring, trusting beautiful red eyes looking at him. But if he didn't look up and smile…something worse would happen.

"Cliffums? A-are you unhappy? Y-you don't like them?"

Tears…he hated it when he cried. He said he'd give anything to have a real relationship but this--.

He looked up and smiled, the expression of pain faded back into empty happiness. He was happy now—he was always happy wasn't that what he wanted? Didn't he want Bel to be happy. What would Fayt say? He'd probably approve.

What would Mirage say? Or Nel or Maria?

Probably not a whole lot—but a three fresh cans of whoop ass was certain to be not far behind. He rose from the table, Albel followed him, cleaning up the plates.

Heero had opted for the full body replacement, Duo's 'treated' brain in a perfectly designed android body. He'd been there to see the look of betrayal on his face when he'd realized Heero had drugged him. Albel had come in not long after—and—

"Cliffypoo?"

Cliff smiled and Albel went back to cleaning. Ranma and Randall had both opted for the full change. So had Seymour…

Cliff hadn't been able to do it, he'd seen the droid laying on the table…he didn't want that.

He liked Albel's body—his mind had been tampered with so much already what was a few more changes? If they made him happy? If they made him kinder? If they made him stay? He hated to admit the last part. In the end he'd only replaced his left arm…

"Damn it! Damn it damn it! Stop fucking cleaning! You hate cleaning!"

Albel's eyes darted around the room and began to fill with tears. Cliff hurriedly apologized.

He was really surprised when a moment later he was grabbed from behind and slammed face first repeatedly into a wall.

He recognized the feel of a gun on the back of his neck and someone twisting his arm up and over his head on the other side of him.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw Fayt and Sophia talking to Albel—and exchanging worried looks.

Nel's measured steps—then her eyes blocked his view, " I'm going to ask once—nicely Cliff and I expect a very—very good answer. I know you don't want to disappoint Mirage so I know you will answer my question honestly and completely right?"

Cliff managed to nod.

"What the FUCK is going on here?"

Yes, yes I went there. I gave Duo a perm AND highlights! Whose bad? Huh? Whose bad? Yeah Randall is so made up for Robin but as much as I might loathe despise and detest Amon (this from a yaoi fan that tends to side with the male characters) I know he wouldn't fit as the Stepford husband unless he was on a 'stakeout' to find the witch behind step ford then Robin would be so freakin' screwed. He's a lone wolf and like it or not that's the personality I relate to the best—that is why OTHER people (real and fictional) that display that trait make me absolutely nuts! Five years of therapy and this is what I can come up.

And oh yeah this got kinda serious so let me end on a preview. A light preview.

"Cliffums. I'm going to turn you into shredded---where the hell is my claw! Damnit I'm gonna---heeeellllo what's this?"

"Oh come on who gives a psycho a built in chainsaw?!"

"Oh it has a flame thrower too."

"Run! Run you idiots it's the apocalypse!"


	4. Conclusion

One step over the sanity line 

Rating: Probably PG-13 for language I rarely do sex scenes

Genre: Humor/Angst/General Shonen-Ai (actually it's man love but I don't remember the term for that one)

Summary: This is a story I originally titled Stepford Elicoorians. I wrote this after watching The Stepford Wives and could not resist

Notes: Primary couple in this one is Cliff/Albel and this is the end of the story. YAH! New record for me.

Thanks to everyone that has read and reviewed this seriously, and yes Puppetlord I was talking to you. I have my friend here now who keeps saying 'Dance my puppets dance ehehehe!' a thing that I finally got her to stop doing a month ago. --; That's okay though.

"Aya no last name listed. Cloud Strike aka Cloud Strife, Akane Saotome, Yuna no last name listed, Vincent Strokes aka Vincent Valentine, Lina Smith aka Lina Inverse—the list goes on and on. Duo Maxwell aka Duo Yuy aka Sam Riggs aka Franklin Mint…a mercenary he's got literally pages of aka's. All strong minded people that just suddenly lost contact with the outside world after marriage. Ground breaking doctors, weapons development, lawyers successful business moguls women and men alike that just disappeared." The black haired man laid a pile of photographs on the table before Cliff.

His gloved hands steady and quick as he spread them out. Cliff recognized every face—just not the expressions. Determined, hard angry…

"Albel called about three months ago—he was worried about some friends' he'd made here, asked me to do some checking for him." Mirage stood up and glared down at a numb Cliff. " I had no choice but to take the request seriously, Albel isn't one to ask for help lightly. So I did a little surface check on the friends he mentioned—and contacted a few people. Amon here has been searching for Robin for months now, and Akane's sisters have been doing the same."

"What has Ranma done to her? Is she like this?" Nabiki asked looking at Albel's glazed expression.

"Would anyone like some tea?" he asked politely, " I learned a new recipie for date bread yesterday and I'd love to make it for everyone."

"Spill it Cliff." Nel snapped from the corner of the room.

Maria stood guard at the other end, while Fayt tried to get Albel's wandering attention again. He found waving a brightly colored hankerchief in front of his eyes was the best method thus far.

"Ohh what a lovely shade of mauve. Cliffums may I paint the house this color?"

"Sure later though okay. Let Doctor Leingod get a look at you."

"Okay!"

Cliff looked around the room, outside of Amon and Nabiki there were at least five other people he did not know standing around. An older man with blond hair and pilot's goggles on his head, a younger man with kind brown eyes and tousled hair stood near him… "I didn't come here knowing about this—it just looked like a nice place."

"What happened? Start from the beginning." Nel ordered.

Cliff sat back and groaned, " It was about the third week we were here, I got invited to a 'meeting' they told me to leave Bel at home and just show up at 6:00. So that's what I did, only by the time I got to the club the guys had already been drinking for a while. I heard laughing and joking—then I saw these two guys in the main room everyone was kind of away from them—they seemed to be having a quiet argument. I recognized Bel's friend Duo but I'd never seen the person with him before—"

"This was the night Albel last saw Duo?"

"Yeah—I don't know what they gave him, but everyone was real surprised when he was able to make a bolt for the door—Albel caught him. He didn't know what was happening at the time, if he'd had a clue I'm sure Heero or anyone else in that room wouldn't be alive today. Mitch told me to get Bel out—so I did. I don't know what happened to Duo beyond that—I just saw the finished product. Heero was talking about having the full package done."

"Full package?" A blank eyed young man stepped out of the hall way his face half covered by a bang.

"Yeah the full package is when they completely replace the persons body with a robot."

"Duo's dead?!"

"Not technically his brain which is him is placed inside the body—Duo is alive."

" That's sick!" a young Chinese man came back into the room. " Do any of you have any honor at all? You claim to love these people yet you-"

" I did not do that. Don't lump me in with everyone else! The only thing mechanical on Albel is his left arm, and that was already mechanical when I met him."

"Yeah that and the seven pieces of highly expensive hardware wired into his brain." Fayt offered passing the machine over Albel's head once again.

Albel continued his conversation about making chocolate cherries with Sophia. To the most part Sophia seemed to be enjoying the conversation.

"And everything I've let you do to him Fayt? Is that any better?" Cliff snapped.

Fayt shook his head, "That was different."

"How?"

"Curing mental illness—"

"Is another form of control—shaping him into something that fits the standards of normal society. I just wanted him back! You wanted to change him!"

"He was crazy!"

"He was happy!"

"And you went through with it regardless—is that the excuse you're going to use? Do you think that's a good enough reason to turn him into everything he hates?" Fayt asked.

Albel looked at Cliff and noted the changes in his expression. " I'm afraid you all have to leave now." He said pleasantly. " I should be starting dinner soon...and I must prepare lunch."

Cliff ignored him. " Fine Fayt I take responsibility for this, but you're as much to blame as I am. No Bel I'm not upset at you why don't you go make everyone some cookies or something?"

Having a task seemed to settle him again, "Oatmeal?"

"Sure…"

(4 Hours later)

"These are damn good cookies." Cid offered from the couch across from Cliff—at that point he was the only one in the room willing to talk to him without condescension. Like if any of them had been in the same position—any of them would have chosen differently.

"Cliffums?"

Cliff smiled and Albel went back to serving coffee…he was as much a prisoner of the mind control as Albel was.

He laughed, he couldn't help it. Now that he thought about it, he was more trapped than Albel. His every move, his every thought, his every word was hung on and craved. Every second he was in Albel's presence now, was a second that his full and undivided attention and happiness needed to be focused on Albel.

"Okay plan of action, Amon did you find anything?"

Amon didn't bother to look up from the screen. " It looks like all of the Stepfords are hooked up to individual systems. And all of those individual systems are hooked up to a mainframe, I can't find the exact location of it-"

"It's in the men's club underground lab." Cliff offered. " It's where the wiring is done…"

"That's- "

"It's a very private and intimate thing between spouses. No one else is allowed in with you. Only club members can enter it anyway."

"Great so you're our way in." Mirage's voice was surprisingly clip.

" Not you Mirage, you're a woman they'd be alerted before you could do anything, it's going to have to be another guy."

"Fine then I'll be Mirage's hands and eyes." Amon looked up at the klausian woman, " Can you tell me what I need to do from here?"

"No problem."

"The problem is when exactly will we have the chance to get in there?" Maria this time nibbling on one of Albel's cookies. "These are good…"

"It's the nutmeg I put in. You know it wouldn't hurt you to learn a few cooking skills."

Maria snorted.

Albel tilted his head to the side and shrugged, " Oh well it was just a suggestion. Homely people should have some skills."

He was out of the room before Maria could finish her insulted choking. "They could turn him into Bobby Homemaker but couldn't fix that?"

Mirage sighed, " I think that was just the real Albel clawing his way to surface—back to business how are we going to get in."

"One week from today is—" Cliff paused when the doorbell rang—Albel wouldn't answer it unless he was told too…some things never changed. "I'll be right back."

"Where you expecting anyone?" Mirage's suspicious glare was hurtful but he chose to ignore it.

"No."

"Well hello Mister Fittr how're ya doing?" Mitch stepped inside without an invitiation Doreen or Candy whatever her name was came in a moment later carrying a large basket.

" Hello again Cliff! Where's Bel?"

"Candy? So good to see you what's that you got there? Oh dear I hope it's not my surprise!" Albel swept into the foyer from the kitchen a tray of homemade chocolate cherries in his hands.

"Surprise?" Cliff was wary until Candy pulled back the blanket covering the basket.

"Surprise!"

"Congratulations Fittr's it's a girl."

Candy's smile didn't falter even when Cliff landed face first on the floor. " Do you think it was too much at one time?"

"Cliff! What in the world is going on—what's that?" Mirage's voice went up an octave at the sight of the basket.

"Who are you?" Mitch asked, " I don't recall seeing you around here before. Are you new to stepford?"

"Just visiting. I'm—Clara Cliff's sister."

"Cliff didn't mention having a sister…"

"We had a disagreement about my life choices…and we're not as close as we used to be. He's not crazy about my fiancée---I think the last time we saw each other he said I was dead to him so uh—well we're trying to make it right now."

Albel just smiled, "That's good that you feel that way—though it might be easier if you stopped yelling at him and hitting him. I'll just take her now Candy! I'm sure Cliffums will be so pleased when he wakes up. Aren't you just the cutest?"

"Cliffum's is gonna be something. Pleased? Not too likely."

LET'S JUST END THIS ALREADY!

The annual Stepford ball was no less than spectacular. The fact that the decorations were planned and implemented by Marshin Stewart obsessed robots probably had a deciding hand in things.

Mirage had taken the liberty of reviving him the week before—lets leave it at a large vase of flowers had been a contributor. Now she strolled around the room on the arm of their new friend Amon(her impromtu fiancé) smiling and graceful as they briefly reviewed their plan of action.

Albel had been very reluctant to leave 'Abella' alone with anyone but Sophia—the girl took a great deal of pride in that for some reason.

"Oh Cliffy look at the decorations aren't they just—Duo! I love your hair." And just like that he was gone.

Cliff sighed and made his way to the bar—that seemed a good a place as any there was free booze and no robots.

"Hey Clive, how's married life?"

But there was an abundance of greasy unattractive stepford husbands. " It's Cliff actually Ralphie, and married life is great now…just great." If absolute misery was great.

"See I told ya it would be didn't I? We thought we were gonna lose ya for a minute there—when you started crying and all…"

Cliff snorted, very unwilling to remember his 'moment of weakness'. "Yeah hey what can ya do? Where's the wife?"

Ralphie gestured over a meaty shoulder towards a petite blond woman serving pigs in a blanket by the bar. "The same as always, listen don't tell anybody but uh—I had the same problem. Once we got down in the room, I almost didn't do it."

"Really?"

"Yeah really, I regretted it for about a week…felt guilty as hell you know?"

Cliff was only half listening, Mirage was in the far corner of the room half hidden by ballons talking to Mitch. Amon was no where to be seen.

"Ever want to take it all back?" Cliff asked.

Ralphie shrugged and looked at his wife again, " Sometimes I miss her laugh, or her real smile not that thousand watt imitation that never touches her eyes…yeah sometimes I regret it. But I know this is for the best."

Cliff laughed, " Give me the strongest thing you've got back there…and a large glass of it."

"Feelin' the shakes still?" Ralphie asked.

Cliff took his drink and downed it. "Yeah I guess I am—but it's too late to go back now right? Excuse me."

"Hey Cliff come on over and join us!" Youji was in really good spirits. Aya was happiest when Youji was happy. His smile, his eyes his—everything was oh so wonderful. Life was wonderful…except for when his stomach ached like this—it came on all of a sudden sometimes then just as suddenly it would go away again. "Babe! Yo babe!"

"Yes Youji darling?"

"Geez what planet are you on stupid? Get me a beer!"

"Yes darling." There was that ache again.

Aya ignored it and went to the refreshments table—he was most surprised when that ache shot out of his stomach and all the way to the top of his head. Just as suddenly as it happened it passed. Leaving him a little woozy and—wondering why he was wearing pink—at what seemed to be a party.

"Geez I swear Mitch needs to reboot him or something he gets slower every day. Aya!"

Aya blinked and looked up at the blond man yelling at him—Youji? What in the—and then seven years of his life came rushing back with the strength of a tidal wave.

"Aya is something wrong babe?"

" Oh. Youjims." The last part came out on a growl the likes of which made Youji's bowels constrict in reflex memory.

"Oh shit."

Doreen Miller was very upset, her work was perfect always without fail. Why were her creations failing?

Quickly she scanned the room for Mitch, he was nowhere to be found. Unfortunately Youji seemed to be in need of immediate assistance.

"Aya sweetie? I need your help making the lemonade!"

A very hostile growl was her only reply. She wasn't getting in the middle of that, Aya's file said. 'mood swings, and assassin' that was all she needed to know.

Doreen continued her search for Mitch carefully ignoring Ranma Saotome being bludgeoned with the very ice sculpture Akane had created.

In all the chaos and panic that was happening around her, she noticed one small thing that was out of place. Cliff Fittr sat calmly at the bar drinking one high ball after another like nothing at all out of the ordinary was going on. Albel was on the other side of the room straightening the flower arrangements on the buffet.

Then it occurred to her how doomed they all were when whatever bug got around to the KI2 carrier. Suddenly she wanted a drink herself… "Mitch! Mitch!"

Cliff sat at the bar as the room slowly turned to panic as one stepfordian after another came back to themselves…"Barkeep another one of these?"

"Cliff! Cliff? Why are you still sitting there? Find your mate man they're going nuts!"

Some panicked husband grabbed Cliff's shoulders on his way out the door. Strangely the doors slammed shut with ten-foot tall flames in front of them suddenly. "Hm. Looks like Robin's back. Refill."

"RANNNNNNNNNNNMMMMMMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Cliff whistled, "Glad I'm not him—Albel's gonna be too pissed to draw this out. Refill."

Albel vaguely noticed the screaming and fighting going on around him. Duo had grabbed him a few minutes ago and had not stopped shaking him yet. It really made his head hurt. " I need to bring Cliffy some dinner."

"Fuck Cliff and his dinner!"

"That wasn't very nice Duo. You should really be bringing Heero something to eat as well I'm sure he's worked up an appitite all that pulling he's been doing on Claris's arm. It looks like she's trying to choke her husband I wonder why?"

" I've got something to bring to Heero alright but it's not food Albel snap out it! You hate pink—you hate people! You hate parties!"

Albel blinked, " Abella did the cutest thing this morning."

"YOU HATE BABIES!"

Albel opened his mouth to protest that he never hated babies—when the most blinding pain he'd ever experienced in his life swept his entire body. Then everything was confusion and bright light and noises for what seemed an eternity. Then….

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! WORMS! PIGS! SHIT OF TERMITES AND MAGGOTS! DIE ALL OF YOU DIIIIIIIIIIEEEE!"

"That would be for me." Cliff sighed and raised a hand for another drink, the bartender looked more than a little nervous but filled his glass again anyway. "Thanks man."

"CLIFF SHOW YOURSELF! CLIFFORD ELLISHIRE FITTR THE FIFTY THIRD!"

Oh his whole name, Albel was pissed alright. "Refill." After this drink he'd go and find Albel and—oh he found him. Goodie now he didn't have to move.

A growl and he found himself lifted into the air and slammed against the wall. " WORM! Give me one good reason why I shouldn't crush you like the invertebrate that you are?!"

"I love you."

Albel blinked and put him down. " Good enough."

"That's it?"

Albel tossed his head back and laughed, " It? No not by a long shot. I cannot be mad at you for doing exactly what I wanted you to do can I? If I had known how hard it would be—"

It was Cliff's turn to blink. "Wha—"

"Don't ask questions." With that he turned on his heel and waded into the chaos. "WORMS!"

" You are so freakin' lucky." Mirage sighed, as she lead Mitch over to the bar in an arm lock. "Albel sent us info he knew he was next, he had his doubts that you would do it. In his paranoid wisdom he came to a conclusion of what happened to people that backed out…stop struggling!" Mirage slammed Mitch against the bar then the wall.

"NO!"

Much to her surprise his head fell off and rolled across the room.

"Mitch! Oh Mitch!"

Doreen's wailing over the broken robot caught everyone's attention. Men and robots alike moved closer to bar—well the men that were still capable of walking.

" Well are you all happy now? Are you?!" the formerly sweet tones of Doreen were very different now—actually half crazy was pretty accurate. " I just wanted everything to be perfect! I wanted a perfect place where the strong were strong and the delicate…were delicate and cherished by the strong.

Albel snorted. " I am far from delicate."

Doreen laughed, " Honey with your bone structure? If it wasn't for that little anomolay in your genetic code you'd have spent your life sheltered and content with it."

" What did you do to us lady?" one of the women Cliff didn't know spoke up.

"I made you better. I took you away from the stress and bussle of everyday life and gave you a better life—a perfect body. The feeling of being protected and loved and cherished at all times! As you were meant to be—and all I asked in return was for you to make Stepford a wonderful place to live—and to be the first line of defense when I began my plan to take over the world.

"WHAT?!"

"But that was secondary my first priority was seeing you all happy."

"And the fact that we're weapons of mass destruction isn't as important right?"

" First off all of you are NOT weapons of mass destructions. Just Albel who was going to be my catalyst—er face of my rule of terror. Strike fear into the hearts of any who oppose me you know burn their homes, destroy their children. But still gets home in time to make sure that your laundry was clean and folded, and your dinner was cooked and waiting for you. But you had to destroy that didn't you? All my dreams and—"

"You're crazy lady."

Albel looked surprisingly disappointed, " Maybe it's not to late? Who wants to help Doreen destroy the world show of hands?"

A sprinkling of hands went up around the room. Albel's went down when Mirage hit him over the head with a rolled up newspaper.

4 MONTHS LATER…

" How is this fair?" Duo snapped. Albel, Robin, and Akane walked slowly in front of him. Yuna strolled at his side. " Akane got one. Robin got one. Yuna got one. Even ALBEL got one. Why do I have THREE?"

Albel shrugged and pulled the blanket back over Abella's chest. It'd been at least four weeks since the last time he'd tried getting rid of her. The first day they'd gone home he'd immediately called someone from child services to come get the noisy creature. On arrival it was discovered that the baby was actually an illegal experiment. Mirage had explained it to him as simply as she could that the baby was a in essence his and Cliff's baby.

At which time she offered to take her off of his hands in order to better study her. Cliff had adamantly refused saying something about this being his only chance to be a parent. Albel had left her on three different church doorsteps, two hospitals and one Kabalah center. Always she returned. He'd tried to feed her to Miffy—who just adored her.

Finally he'd thought to throw her off a bridge. He'd gone so far as to hold her up over the water—and when he was about to let go. She smiled at him at clapped her hands…he couldn't do it. He'd been pissed for a whole week. Now he was proud—all of the other's 'little clones' were loud and annoying in some way.

Abella was perfect, just like one of her parents.

"What is that? What did you just throw up—is that corn? When did you eat corn? You don't even have teeth yet?"

"So do you think they've suffered enough yet?" Yuna asked in a bid to change the subject.

Albel snorted. " I don't think so…a lot of the old heads have a lot to make them suffer for."

"That's true…Ranma! Did you finish the dishes?"

Akane's husband jumped about two feet in the air.

"Uh-uh no…"

"Then why are you outside?"

"Sheesh lighten up A-ka-NE I'm going I'm going!"

Akane smirked as her right arm, turned back into a right arm, " It's amazing how much easier they are when your right arm turns into a giant death ray. I should have been thanking Doreen. God rest her soul."

MEANWHILE……

"Psst…Youji. Youji do you know where the baby food isle is?"

"It's on the-"

The crackle of the loudspeaker and a sharp voice ordered, " Less talking more shopping!"

AND FOR THOSE WONDERING WHAT HAPPENED TO CLIFFY

Here's the short version:

"Cliff did you put up the curtains in Abella's room?"

"I'll do it tomorrow."

"Right. Did I have that option when you—"

"Okay! Okay I'll do it now."

"Cliff we're going to host Sophia's wedding."

"No."

"What?"

"I said anything you want perfect love of my life."

Crap ending? Yeah, I just don't feel funny --; sorry.


End file.
